Premarital and Relationship Education: How Programs Work

Relationship education is a class, not a cure. Premarital courses, marriage and relationship skills workshops, and online programs teach practical skills such as communicating clearly, handling disagreements and talking about money, usually before problems become serious.

That makes it different from couples counseling. Counseling is treatment from a licensed clinician for a relationship, or a person, in distress. Education is closer to a driving course for relationships: structured lessons, often in a group, aimed at couples who are doing reasonably well and want to keep it that way, or who are about to make a big commitment.

This guide explains what these programs typically cover, where they come from, how one state links them to marriage licenses, and how to choose one that fits both of you. It is general information and not a substitute for professional help when you need it.

What relationship education covers

Program content varies, but federal law offers a useful map of the field. The statute that authorizes federal healthy marriage grants, 42 U.S. Code section 603, lists "healthy marriage promotion activities" that include:

• Marriage education, marriage skills and relationship skills programs, which may include parenting skills, financial management, conflict resolution, and job and career advancement.
• Pre-marital education and marriage skills training for engaged couples and for couples or individuals interested in marriage.
• Marriage enhancement and marriage skills training programs for married couples.
• Divorce reduction programs that teach relationship skills.
• Marriage mentoring programs that use married couples as role models and mentors.
• Education in high schools on the value of marriage, relationship skills and budgeting.

State laws can point the same way. For one state's example, Florida's statute on premarital courses says a course may include conflict management, communication skills, financial responsibilities, and children and parenting responsibilities.

Notice the pattern. Most programs focus on skills you can practice, not on diagnosing anyone. Some programs, including federally funded ones, serve individuals as well as couples, so do not assume a program is only for engaged or married partners. Ask.

Where programs come from

Relationship education is offered by community organizations, faith communities, universities, military family programs and private educators, in person and online.

Some community programs are supported by federal grants. A 2022 meta-analysis by Alan Hawkins and colleagues in the journal Family Process reports that since 2006 the U.S. Administration for Children and Families (ACF) has allocated $1.2 billion to a Healthy Marriage and Relationship Education initiative that funds community organizations to provide relationship education to lower-income couples and individuals.

The federal statute also sets conditions that are worth knowing as a consumer. Organizations applying for these healthy marriage grants must describe how their programs will address, as appropriate, issues of domestic violence; what they will do to ensure participation is voluntary and to tell participants so; and they must commit to consult with domestic violence experts or coalitions in developing their programs. Even if a program you are considering is privately run, those are sensible standards to look for.

Premarital courses and marriage licenses

Some states connect premarital education to the marriage license process, and the rules vary by state. Florida is one example. Under Florida Statutes section 741.0305, people who intend to apply for a marriage license may complete a premarital preparation course of not less than 4 hours, together or separately, and the marriage license fee is reduced by $32.50 when they file a certificate of completion with the application.

Florida's law also limits who may teach the course to a list that includes licensed psychologists, clinical social workers, marriage and family therapists and mental health counselors, official representatives of a religious institution who have relevant training, and other providers designated by a judicial circuit. The statute notes that judicial circuits may keep a roster of local providers, including those who offer the course on a sliding fee scale or for free.

Rules like these differ from state to state and change over time, so check with the marriage license office in your county before you plan around a discount or waiting-period rule.

Formats and what the research says about them

Programs range from a single evening to many weekly sessions, and from in-person groups to self-paced online lessons. Two findings from named meta-analyses can help you compare options:

• Dosage seems to matter. A 2012 meta-analysis by Hawkins, Scott Stanley and colleagues in Behavior Therapy, covering 148 evaluation reports, found moderate-dosage programs (9 to 20 contact hours) were associated with stronger effects than low-dosage programs (1 to 8 contact hours).
• Setting seems to matter less. The same study found little evidence of differences between programs delivered in university or laboratory settings and those in religious settings, and no evidence that more formally institutionalized programs had stronger effects.

These are averages across many studies, not a ranking of specific programs. For a closer look at what researchers have and have not found, see our guide Does Relationship Education Work? What Named Studies Found.

How to choose a program

Before you sign up, ask:

1. Who leads it, and what is their training? Are any leaders licensed clinicians, and do they make clear that the program is education rather than therapy?
2. What topics does it cover, and how many hours of instruction does it include?
3. Is it in a group, one-on-one with your partner, or online? Will you be asked to share personal details in front of others?
4. What does it cost in total, and is there a refund or cancellation policy in writing?
5. Is it welcoming to couples like yours, whether you are same-sex, interfaith, blended-family, older, unmarried or anything else?
6. How does the program screen for domestic violence, and what happens if someone discloses abuse?
7. Is participation fully voluntary for both partners?

A program that answers these clearly and without pressure is a good sign. If a program claims it can fix a relationship in crisis, treat that as a reason to look elsewhere.

When education is not enough

Relationship education is designed to build skills, not to treat serious distress or mental health conditions. If you are stuck in the same painful conflict, one of you is struggling with depression, anxiety or substance use, or trust has been badly broken, a licensed therapist is the better starting point.

Education is also not appropriate when one partner is abusive. The National Domestic Violence Hotline says it does not encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to seek counseling with their partner, because counseling cannot fix the unequal power structure of an abusive relationship; that reasoning is worth applying to couples classes, too. If you are afraid of your partner, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (or text START to 88788). If you or your partner are in crisis, call or text 988.

Key takeaways

• Relationship education teaches skills such as communication, conflict management and money talks; it is not therapy.
• Federal law lists premarital education, marriage skills training and relationship skills programs among the healthy marriage activities it funds.
• Federally funded programs must address domestic violence, consult domestic violence experts and keep participation voluntary, which are good standards for any program.
• Rules vary by state; in Florida, for example, completing a qualifying premarital course of at least 4 hours reduces the marriage license fee by $32.50.
• A 2012 meta-analysis linked moderate-dosage programs (9 to 20 hours) with stronger effects than shorter ones.

Sources

• Legal Information Institute (Cornell Law School), 42 U.S. Code section 603, Grants to States
• The Florida Legislature, Florida Statutes section 741.0305, Marriage fee reduction for completion of premarital preparation course
• Hawkins AJ, Hokanson S, Loveridge E, et al., How effective are ACF-funded couple relationship education programs? A meta-analytic study, Family Process (2022)
• Hawkins AJ, Stanley SM, Blanchard VL, Albright M, Exploring programmatic moderators of the effectiveness of marriage and relationship education programs: a meta-analytic study, Behavior Therapy (2012)
• National Domestic Violence Hotline, Should I Go To Couples Therapy With My Abusive Partner?
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline